Finding Time, at last.

Hello out there.....It's been weeks since I've contributed to the "who needs a shrink" community. Blogs are a wonderful way to release all that crap we all have a tendency to store up. It's also a great way to get others opinions and suggestions on survival.

Let me see, what have I been doing?? My new grandson is beautiful. He is very tiny. I guess all babies are tiny to start, we just forget, because it only last a very short time. I haven't got to see him much.

My eldest daughter had her 34th birthday on the 6th. I still haven't gotten her birthday present. I'm thinking a lab top but that's a lot of money. That's what I'll end up giving her. I can't help myself someone says "I wish I had..." and it's my job to try and make it so.

I processed and dealt with the 1st anniversary of my mother's death. I was surprised at me. I had a really rough time of it. I thought about calling my siblings but what can they do. We are all dealing. I've been told I don't ask for help when I should and that I'm stubborn. Well that may be but I look at natural events in life as just that. We are all dying. It's starts the second we're are conceived. (Maybe even before that) I just can't fill the empty place. After my dad died there was an empty place but it was only half empty. Now that both my parents are gone the empty place is so very large. Some days I feel I have no one. Don't get me wrong, I have a family, a great husband and so on and so on. I just don't have a safe place any more, it's gone. It leaves me feeling very sad and there's nothing in this world that can fill the empty place. (OK, dry your eyes I changing the subject)

We have a party around the 4th of July each year. It's a drink, eat, swim and fireworks party. The last couple years it has been very nice. We broke in our new decks. My daughter (birthday girl) mixed up some jungle juice that was lethal. First partier to puke and retire for the duration (which is usually through the night and into the next day) was before dark. Blame falls on the jungle juice. It contained an enormous amount of alcohol and tasted like fruit punch. She pitted bing cherries and soaked them in vodka for several days. 24 hours before mixing she threw in some blueberries. I can't even remember what all went in it, several flavored rums, brandy and a tiny bit of fruit juice. I, unfortunately, couldn't drink any of it. I did take a taste, but just a couple swallows. For some unknown reason I have developed an allergy to alcohol. I can drink a beer, maybe two. I've managed to do OK with drinks like, fuzzy navel or some other fruit low alcohol drink. It's exasperating. I usually fade away as the drunks get drunker because it's really no fun being the only sober person at a party. We do this responsibly, you have to bring a tent and you can't keep your car keys. The key keeper returns your keys when you are sober and not before. It was great fun and I got to see people that have moved away, because most come in for this party each year.

I'm just working weekends and 6 hours during the week right now. I do believe that's about to change. I was asked to come to a meeting a work today. It seems we are going to be starting a new respiratory rehabilitation program. I sat through the meeting. I asked several questions concerning admission criteria, payment stats, etc and as I was leaving I was ask to take a seat by my administrator. I have been offered to be the coordinator of this program. I don't know any more than that at the moment. I will ask some questions and see where it leads. I'm not sure I want to work all the time. You know, you put in your time at the facility and then you bring things home to do, then you have to go in in the middle of the night because something goes wrong. It's something to think about, so I'm thinking. I'm pretty sure they think it's a done deal, but I not so sure yet. I need more details. I need more money. I'll chew it over for a few days then hit them up with my questions. I'm going on a short business trip Wednesday, just an over night thing. The other woman going with me is in an administrative position and she may be able to give me some information that will help my decision.

Enough. It's late, a little after 2AM. I need to do some things around here tomorrow and I still have some laundry to get out of the drier so I'm not going to think about what else has gone on in the last few weeks. It'll just be another blog.